Epilogue- 7,500 miles of America

A graphical interpretation.


Told you I was a map dork. Here's the recap. Blue was the first trip. Red was the second trip. Purple were the trips I took during the holidays. Squares were picture spots, circles were overnight stops.

I've now traveled over 7,500 miles in cars and trucks, been on a 4 day cruise, and flown across the country twice, been to 27 states and a foreign country... and I loved every second of it. Part of me aches a little because I really never wanted it to end.

It's over now.

To answer the question that Brian asked me at the beginning- "Doing some unnecessary travelling?" I can honestly say no. No, I did no unnecessary travelling.

I had been dreaming of the days, the time that I would be able to accomplish this, since 1999. For those of you that don't know, that's when my life took a massive turn for the worst. All I could do was dream and hope that someday things would return to normal, and that things would get better. I had to stay in Illinois. When you're bound to one place, and you already like to travel, staying in that one place is hell. When it was finally over, and the binding loosed, things were in my favor.

If you're pagan, you'd say the stars were aligned. If you're Buddhist, you'd say I had a buildup of good karma flood out on to me. If you're Christian, you'd say God answered your prayers. If you're Zoroastrian, I don't know what you'd say. If you're satanic, I don't care what you'd say. Regardless, things happened such that not only was I able to travel again, but I was not bound by employment, I had a store of money that allowed me to afford the trip, and I WAS ABLE TO SEE EVERY SINGLE THING I PUT ON MY LIST OF THINGS TO SEE!!!

There are the images, the ones I'll never erase, the ones that burn deep in your memory because of the sheer beauty or magnitude of the picture. Tulum. Xel-Ha. The arch in St. Louis. The Big Texas Steak Ranch. Sunrise AND sunset over the southwest. The cold, rainy day in Pittsburgh where the student became the Master (thanks for your help, Brian). The robotic redneck in West Virginia. The dude paying for cigs in Tenn. with a check. The all-you-can-eat meat bonanza (thanks for your hospitality, Steve). Laughing at the world's biggest chair. Sitting on the beach at sunset in a hurricane-ravaged coastal city. Saturday night in New Orleans. The fog in the bayou. The long stretch of nothing in Texas. The landscapes of New Mexico. The rainbow over Beautiful Mountain. Nearly running out of gas in the Navajo Nation, 40 miles from nothing. The Grand Canyon in winter. Vegas.

Don't read too far into this, though. Oh sure, I could put some theme on the trip, put some life lesson and turn this into some American odyssey. But I hate iambic pentameter. And the fact is, English is still my second language. I didn't care what the "main theme" of the selection was, and never will. It's not how I comprehend the written word, anyway.

Did the trip change me? No. Truth is, the events that created the trip in my mind changed me far more deeply than the trip itself. No, I'm who I am and no different. Only now I have even more useless information and boring anecdotes for people to yawn at.

Thanks to everyone. Everyone that read this blog. If you read every entry, you need to seriously take a trip to the mental health specialist and get a prescription for Thorizine, stat. Thanks to everyone who interacted with me in an unofficial capacity for the last 6 years. You did more to save my psyche and keep me grounded in my time of absolute misery, whether you knew it or not, and that was more than I could have ever asked. I am in all of your debt. Thanks to my family, who never gave up believing in me. Thanks to my friends who never gave up hope with me. Thanks to you, Jenny, for giving me something to fight for.

I guess I should stop writing and find a job. I have a wedding to plan, after all.

-Dan

And it was done.

Trip 2: 5,135 miles, 75 hours driving time (complete)

Now mind you, I do feel empathetic to the idea/concept of karma.

And while Las Vegas was a touch of a disappointment, reality was setting in and I knew I had to get off the road and soon. I left Vegas feeling slightly odd. Disappointed. Sad. Anxious. The reality was, I had been so prepared for the journey itself that I wasn't prepared for being done with the journey. And as I sped down I-15, I had alot of fear and anxiety.

The Illinois part of my life really was past me now. I'm really moving to California. I'm really calling San Francisco home. I don't need to go back to Evanston, Crest Hill, Woodstock, Kankakee, or Arlington Heights.

Yet with all of the anxiety I felt, there was one more day of driving. And it was full of positive karma.

Example? I couldn't drive by one more "world's largest"... the world's largest Thermometer!!


The World's Largest Rectal Thermometer (Owww....)

This thermometer claims to be at the Gateway of the Mojave Desert. I don't know how it's the gateway- you're completely surrounded by the desert at that point- and it wasn't like an actual mammoth freakin' glass and mercury thing. No, it was a digital output tower. Oh well. It qualifies!

I also passed Zzyxz Road. You won't find that on any atlas. (I took a picture, but it stank, so I didn't post it.)

Then to the familiars. Modesto. Bakersfield. I-5. There wasn't as much fog this time. I wish there was. There's nothing to see anyway. I stopped for gas at exactly 5,000 miles in the trip. Then I drove in, under the cover of night, through the evening rush.

Yes, I got lost in Oakland. Had to, just one more time. Wouldn't be me on this trip if I didn't get lost. :)

And then, I arrived home. Jenny and I went out for pizza at a local place in Berkeley. And I slept for 11 hours.

Luck- and Time- Running Out

Las Vegas is an interesting place, of course there's what you see and then what you don't. Of course there's the lights, the sounds, the people. It's during the week, so the traffic was actually reasonable, not the monster downtown crawl I heard about.

Anyway, the sun was still up when I got here, and I decided to take a shower and a nap before running around. It is Vegas, after all- the city that never sleeps!- and I thought nothing lost by doing this. I needed the rest if I was to walk again, and the strip is nearly two miles!

The first thing I noticed were the people handing out the flyers for hookers and phone sex lines. Funny because prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas (specifically, cities in Nevada with populations of 100,000 or more). But they were EVERYWHERE. You couldn't take a step without them approaching you.

The second thing I noticed were the stores. They too were everywhere, and they had everything from Gucci to Walgreens. Not kidding, there's a Walgreens on the strip. I also noticed the most police activity in that part of the strip, so I moved on.

The third thing I noticed and more realized is that you can tell which casinos have been there a few years pretty easily. The Tropicana still has a sign with letters like a movie theater, where the MGM Grand across the street has two jumbotrons. Inside, they're pretty much all the same, although the older ones have less video slots and more actual slot machines.

My problem was, I was hungry. So I ate at the Tropicana. I saw an interesting picture of it when it was the only thing in the desert at that location in 1954. It's still the same building, only they built up. Anyway, food was big, good, and cheap.


"The Meadows," in all of it's nighttime glory.

I say my hunger was a problem because it took me to past midnight. Las Vegas, at least on the weekdays, changes considerably at exactly 12 AM. How?

1) The Fremont Street Light Show stops at midnight.
2) So does the Bellagio fountain show.
3) All those guys handing out flyers go home. The street is actually enjoyable to walk.
4) Any theme people (like at Caesar's Palace) go home.

The casinos are still going, and the alcohol still flows of course. Stopped in the Bellagio and watched a woman take the dice and shoot for this group of guys she was with and quadrupled their money. Established point, then toyed around a few times before hitting it, then rolled off 14 straight 7s and 11s, then rolled a point and hit it, and so on. This goes further to prove a theory I have...

I returned back to the Mirage, and played War. Yes, they have a table on a casino floor that you bet on War. Now the odds in that are virtually straight up (50-50), and a casino doesn't carry a game unless it turns a profit. It makes money on ties. You remember War, right? You flip a card, and your opponent flips a card, and the higher card wins. In real war, the winner keeps both cards. In this version, you keep money. If you tie, then you draw three cards each and then a fourth to break the tie. The house allows you to "surrender" (lose half of your money) or play (double your bet, which the house meets). So on a tie you can either lose half your bet or risk losing double for the same payout. That's how I went from doubling my money to zero in 10 minutes.

My theory is, of course, that I'm not a good gambler, but that my presence near a table (craps, roulette, and so on) raises the luck of those involved. I don't gamble enough to know when to walk away. So I inevitably lose my money. Examples? On my second play at a one-penny slot I hit a big payout- went from 80 cents to $5.40. I walked away with zero. You read about the War table. Yet the Bellagio craps table I watched easily took over $5,000 away from the house that night when I watched.

If you're not familiar with the language I'm using, don't worry- I barely understand it myself and I still don't know how to play craps. Maybe there's a freeware craps game somewhere online.

Anyway, it's morning and I am melancholy because I eventually have to end this road trip. The thing is, I'm not bitter. It's time. I need to be home now, and I know it. I've been suffering Crohn's attacks for a few days now, and that's starting to drain me physically. Money is low, clothes are low, energy is low. And I know I'll be back here at some point, so it's not one of those "I'll never see it again" things like Four Corners or the World's Biggest Fire Hydrant. The fountains and the tigers and the Light Show will all be here next time.

One more session of driving and I can relax.

Vegas, baby... VEGAS!!!

Trip 2: 4450 miles, 66.5 hours driving time

I got up early this morning- before sunrise- and got out to watch the sunrise over the Grand Canyon Rim. This is an easy picture to paint. You're at 7,000 feet elevation, next to a hole that's a mile deep. It's January 12th, before sunrise. It snowed several inches, melted, and iced the previous night. Winds were blowing about 30 mph. And there's about 50 people doing the same thing.

This can only mean one thing- we are thoroughly insane.


This picture does not do this sight justice.

I can't do the Grand Canyon justice by describing it here. Sure, we've all seen pictures of it. And it looks the same as the pictures. Except you're not standing at the edge of a 3,000 cliff on television. It's something that you should try to experience once in your life. If that's not your thing, well, I guess that's okay, but you're partly dead inside if you get nothing from it. Preachy, sure. But there's a reason people would go there in the dead of winter.


It's so friggin' huge... it really does boggle the imagination.

I started to hike the first part of the trail and gave up after half a mile because it was below freezing, there's not much oxygen at 7,000 feet, and I had to wrap things up and move on. My heart trying to jump out of my chest seemed like as good a time as any.

The roads were still disasterous in the morning, but melting quickly. I zipped out of there, and towards the next stop- Hoover Dam. For the first time in my trip, my path in this trip overlapped the path of the previous trip. That took nine days. Tomorrow's trip will mostly follow the same path of Trip 1 (oh yay, I-5 again).


Hoover Dam. Note the WWII pill box at the top. (Thanks to the idiot who pointed.)

Hoover Dam is also quite impressive, and there's of course alot of things you know (it's a dam that controls water flow and provides hydroelectric power) and alot of things you don't. Like there's still a WWII era pill box on top of one of the hills. The whole design was done art deco. The cables they used to lower the workers and cement to the canyon floor in 1935 is still in use. The carp in Lake Mead have been genetically matched to goldfish dumped in by the workers from the 1930s.

It's pronounced Nev-AAAH-da, not Nev-AH-da. Lengthen the A, you teutonic...

Mind you, I was still dressed for the Canyon, and it was in the mid 60s F. I had to get out of the son. So I got one last picture of me straddling Nevada and Arizona, the Mountain and Pacific time zones. So I crossed time. I existed in two eras of time. Strange. Then I left. Or did I? Maybe I got here an hour ago?

You know what's 30 miles from Hoover Dam? My last waypoint on the journey. And a fitting final act to this great road trip.

Shortcuts and Hazardous Driving Conditions

Trip 2: 4151 miles, 59.5 hours driving time

This was a strange day, and it seems almost fitting that it should be strange like this, at this point in the trip. There are only two more days to this trip, and part of me says it's not nearly enough. The other part of me says my car payment is late and if I'm not careful, so will my last quarterly tax filing.

When you start in a town called Truth or Consequences, you already have several things on the table. One, no one wants to live in a town with a name like that. It conjures up images of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Two, you may leave a place like that, but it doesn't leave you. Something about it follows you around...

The trip to the National Very Large Array Telescope was fast (about 2 hours) and I will take this opportunity to say if you are a fan of big sky, grand vistas, and angry desert, then the journey along either I-25 or I-40 (or if you're REALLY adventurous, US-60) through New Mexico is worth every second of the trip.


I wonder if they get a good signal?

You may be asking, what the @#$@% is the National Very Large Array Telescope? It's that series of white super-huge satellite dishes in the middle of nowhere (refer to the movie "Contact"). They don't do tours in winter, so I had to hoof it. Not bad, except that the actual building where the dorks work was closed. Having satisfied the science geek aspect of my personality for the trip, I moved on.


The size of the array. WOW.


And weather STILL messes up the signal.

The problem was that I had two choices for driving routes: go back the way I came, through Albuquerque and over to Gallup or to take "the back roads" to Gallup which was the more direct route. Took the direct roads because hey, it's an adventure. The atlas wasn't lying when they said the particular state route I was on wasn't paved. 24 miles of off-roading in the Regal. Yikes. It was a mud road with cattle guards (gates that could close in order to deter cattle) every 1/2 mile. But I survived the trip from Pie Hole to Fence Lake. Not kidding. Look it up on the map.


A mud road in New Mexico and me.

Oh yeah. Slight political diversion. If you color yourself blue politically (re: you're of Democrat/liberal persuasion) bring a whole stack of CDs or a full 30 GB iPod when you visit the red states. 'Cuz Rush, Savage, Hannety, all of 'em, are on all the time, on nearly every American AM station that doesn't play country. And they are in full glory right now. And the FMs are all country. All of them.

So I made it to Gallup in one piece, in time for a late lunch, and talked to Jenny for a little bit. After a weather discussion, I hopped back on the road, this time north, and headed up US 491. You may not find US 491 on your road atlas. That's because it used to be US 666, nicknamed The Devil's Highway, and it was the source of many fatal accidents. So imagine my surprise when I saw a huge rainbow in the sky over a place called Beautiful Mountain. The big storm that's pelting California finally was reaching there, but there was a break in the clouds that was big enough to visit Four Corners during my time frame. Almost as if I was meant to be there.


You can't be dead yet... no, you're in all four states!

I took plenty of pictures of Four Corners, and while it could potentially be one of the most boring things you'd see on a road trip, I got a big kick out of it. If you've ever seen my love for maps, you'd know why. Geography and astrology were childhood loves of mine.

Now it's time to face the music. I had to head west, through northern Arizona, right through the major storm, and get to the Grand Canyon. This worked out well, despite the 20 miles of hail and 60 miles of iced-over roads. I made it... but the national parks aren't lit and it's pitch black outside. The Canyon is a giant hole, right? No moon light. No star light. Freezing cold.

I got a room in the lodge for the night. Holy rustic. It's a cabin, so no personal bathroom, and no TV. (A communal bathroom, one for 20 people.) But I do have a sink. At least the room is heated. It's funny, considering how I'm staying tonight and how I'll be staying tomorrow night (chuckle...)

Truth or Consequences

Trip 2: 3,510 miles, 56 hours drive time

Not much to say about yesterday's trip. I-10 west of San Antonio is possibly the most desolate stretch of road in the United States. Not even an occasional mobile home. Just the same desert, desert, desert. Cacti. Saw a porcupine that was hit by a vehicle.

Got to El Paso (full name El Paso Del Rio Del Norte) which used to be a major trade route in the old Texas territory when it was still part of Mexico. But there's something that wasn't there back then.

The only way I could describe our border is that we're trying to imprison Mexicans in their own country.

Between the INS Border Patrol (spaced every thousand feet), barbed wire, the irrigation canal, and the Rio Grande, you get the impression that maybe they would have an illegal immigration problem. Looking over the border into Mexico, you might understand why. It's a craphole. I mean, picture the worst neighborhood you've ever seen. Now cover it in dirt and debris, broken down cars, and signs in Spanish. That's Juarez, Mexico.


"Hey, man... make a run for the border!..."

I know for a fact all of Mexico is not that way. I've seen better parts with my own two eyes. But if we're alledgedly the great capitalists, I wonder why we don't buy land in Mexico and work in the US. There must be rules of which I am not aware. Maybe there's a crime issue. Who knows?

The BIG theme of the weekend

Trip 2: 2814 miles to date, 47.5 hours drivingI'm in San Antonio.

Let's see. I typed out a blurry, stammering recollection of my New Orleans trip this morning, but remembered I had to get out of there because I had a big day planned. Then I remembered that I didn't write about the first, oh, 13 hours of Saturday. So I have to catch up...

Saturday morning: Left Atlanta (the BIG peach) and, after a brief stop, headed to Anniston, Alabama with my good friend and all-around hosehead Steve. Why? Because there's a BIG chair there. The world's biggest chair, at 33 feet high, rests in sleepy Anniston, AL.


"There's nothing like a good sit." -Montgomery Burns

Steve headed back to Atlanta and I moved on. I stopped and ate lunch in Montgomery, AL, home of a BIG civil rights movement. Pressing on... to the south. I'm already in the deep south, so I went... more south!

Landed in Pensacola, FL. A BIG hurricane hit there not too long ago. They're still in very bad shape. About 2-5% of the roadside trees were uprooted or broken. The roads were clean, and the debris was gone, but the buildings were destroyed. Anyway, at the end of the road I saw... the Gulf of Mexico. What else would I see? Actually, I saw the rusting hull of a BIG ship... the now decommissioned aircraft carrier USS Oriskany. Even in its current state- that of a ghost- it is a daunting and impressive vessel.


Thank you for your service to our nation.


I never realized the Gulf of Mexico had so much water.
Turned west, and got lost in the Alabama bayou. Found the road and blasted through Mobile and southern Mississippi, and ended the trip in the BIG easy.

Spent the night observing a BIG party.

Sunday morning I tried to find the end of a BIG river. Specifically, the mouth of the Mississippi River. Alas, I had no boat, and the bayou protects that secret.


Whoops... guess I should turn around!

So I turned around and visited Fort Jackson, built in 1862 and still intact. It was held by the Confederates until the Union Navy and Marines overran it in what would become typical American military fashion- bomb the hell out of it until it becomes discouraged and then invade with overwhelming force. A sister fort exists on the opposite bank, it was built in 1789. But it's not restored, it's falling apart, there's no road to it, and the owner doesn't want to do anything with it. Plus, and this was key- I had less than 1/4 mile visibility from dense fogging on the bayou. So I wouldn't see it anyway.


The River Styx... no, that's in Europe. This is just the Mississippi.

Stopped on a stretch of bayou to take pictures of birds with BIG bills- the pelicans!Onward, stopped in Baton Rouge for food and fuel, and to the BIG state of Texas. I stopped in Beaumont and got a picture of a BIG fire hydrant- the world's 2nd biggest fire hydrant (just displaced by a Canadian fire fighter's memorial in Manitoba) (damn hippies).


Think of the size of the dog that could take a leak on this...

This is not the end of the BIG things I'm going to see, but at least you get a fever for the flavor of my vacation.

Crescent City

(as written the morning after)

Here's some early lessons from being in the French Quarter at high party time:

1) It's only fun if you have lots of people with you to remember every stupid thing you do.
2) A girl is likely to show her chest if she's with a large group of people, with a good number of other girls.
3) A girl is also likely to show her chest when it's not one you'd want to see (ewww...)
4) If you ask a waitress for one shooter, you'll get two forced on you and have to pay (and tip) for both. But the presentation is... interesting...
5) Much of the liquor is watered down.
6) There are no covers to any sex entertainment establishment!! (just a 4 drink minimum)
7) You don't need to pay to hear the music, except if you go in the bar (!?!?)
8) The really interesting people don't get to the party until after 1 AM, so have patience. Have a drink (chuckle).


"What are you doing up there?" "Up here? What are YOU doing down there?"


Canal Street on a foggy, misty winter night.

Ate dinner at a restaurant of Emeril Lagasse's called Nola; it's relatively new and it is a different upscale restarant experience because the staff is allowed to be relaxed and human (instead of being stiff and professional) and the food is all "experimental" combinations. So naturally I took the "a little of each" option. Chose a good wine, and thus started the night. I got lost on the way, but I had a guardian hoser looking out for me (thanks Steve).

Anyway, it was interesting and alotta fun, but would have been more fun 10 years ago with a group of people who like to drink alot.

Onward to San Antonio...

Georgia on my mind, and my clothes, and in my car...

Trip 2: 1422 miles, 25 hours total drive time

Brief synopsis:

1/4/05 handed in the keys to my apartment (another word for it would be money pit), went up north to get a couple of computers :) had lunch with the good people at "cardinal" health, and then set on the road. Ended in Pittsburgh, PA at the home of my good friend, former college roommate, and all-around dipsmack Brian. Played Star Wars Battleground online.

1/5/05: The day sucked, it was just above freezing and didn't stop raining all day. Most rain Pittsburgh had received in one day in January. Surfed the web and played Star Wars Battleground. Went out to dinner with Brian and Kathy (his wife). Came back and checked out one of the computers. Played Star Wars Battleground online.

1/6/05: Said goodbye and thanks to Brian and Kathy. Drove towards The Dirty South (pronounced "tha durty souf"). Stopped for lunch and gas in West Virginia. I saw what could best be described as a redneck robot trying to get the attention of some poor woman behind the counter. She was ignoring him. I couldn't because he wouldn't shut up and I couldn't hear the woman when ordering food. I guess a mullet only gets you so far in today's world.


Hey, did you know there's another president that was impeached?

Aimed for a stop in Greensville, Tennessee. It has a historic landmark I wanted to see, but I got lost and they closed the minute I arrived. But the driving more than made up for it. Tennessee SR 70 from I-81 south is an absolute blast to drive- two lanes, no shoulder, no guardrail, and a four foot deep ditch, and 110 degree turns. Try and keep it above 35 without crossing lanes :)

Watched a guy with a messed up knee pay for four packs of cigarettes with a check. Made the value out to be larger because he wanted to play video poker in the gas station. This transaction took 15 minutes. The guy behind me with the six pack of beer was pissed. (yes, they sold beer in the gas station.)

Coasted into Georgia, and on into at the home of my good friend, former college roommate, and all-around hosehead Steve.


He's got a little mowing to do in the backyard...

Today I am planning out the rest of the trip. Staying in GA tonight. Brian brought out a good point- I need to get a picture of my self next to something stupid, like the world's biggest ball of yarn. I'll have to look something like that up as well.

Tomorrow (Saturday) night ends in New Orleans. I think THAT'S self-explanatory....

My apartment is much emptier now

Trip 2: T-minus 12 hours 55 minutes

I just have two piles in the apartment now. One pile goes to the trash, the other to my car.

I hope I don't screw up which one is which.

U Rah Rah, ICE-consin

Trip 2 - T minus 61:15

We're here in Madison. ... another whole happy, ice-encrusted, Badger Hockey Showdown.

I've now been to enough of these to know thaqt this one is a memorable one, for many reasons. It's my first time in Madison. It happened over the New Year, so I missed most of the useless bowls the idiots that run. And this year, we got a winter storm that iced over the whole city. No shuttles, no buses, no cabs... of course, after we got to the hockey games.

We walked, on New Year's Day, over 16 blocks in freezing rain on ice covered streets to get home from a losing game.

Prepositions aside, we had a good time at the games despite the sad outcomes. I've never seen Wisconsin's hockey team play this tournament with much effort, and this time was no different. Especially sad was that the teams in the tournament outside of Wisconsin were a combined 9-29. Wisconsin was 13-5 and ranked 4th.

They beat the 1-11 team in a shootout after overtime 2-1, and lost to a 4-9 team by the score of 5-3.

Otherwise, Christmas with the family and the soon-to-be family was good, and not terribly restful. Jenny got me back and we spent two days on the road visiting family, getting lost, and trying to catch up. It's a different way of life up there, and I kind of feel bad if I spend time on the computer instead of with her family. I'm actually writing this now while the family is chatting.

Tomorrow we're going to brunch, waiting for the roads to clear, and driving back home. We pack up and spend one last day before heading back to IL. One more hectic day of cleaning, one more night sleeping on the air mattress, and then...

Forward.